|
 |
Home | Cards | Paintings | Testimonials | Articles | Contact | Healer / Process Information
Transforming this Planet to Peace, Love, Kindness, Gentleness By Much is written about various peacekeeping organizations such as the United Nations, American Friends Service Committee, Red Cross, and others. Our Friends' peace and social concern activities also keep most of us in the mainstream of caring for others. However, this message now is not about the fine peace keepers on the front-line; rather, it is about the work of peace that is being done and that needs to increase dramatically in our active silence sitting in comfortable armchairs. It is a puzzle that we, who are followers of the Inward Light, are not emphasizing this deep action in this troubled world. Is it possible that we are not really convinced that, in our silent melding with the Presence, our intentions have no effect? Or, are we Friends, as so many others, overwhelmed by the cruelty and violence on this Planet that in our silent prayers we become filled with despair and hopelessness? This message to you today is a reminder that prayers/meditations bring about change; that our work in active silence IS being an active participant in the creative process with the Creator. This requires daily, indeed, minute-by-minute, self-discipline, persistence, and consistency to find ways to be with the God of All Creation in transforming this beautiful Planet to peace. It's hard work. It requires a focused interaction with the Divine. We Friends tend to shy away from anything resembling structure when it comes to our relationship with the Inward Light. Each is encouraged to make the journey in her or his own way. This beautiful and challenging personal journey continues to be the very heart of the Religious Society of Friends movement started by George Fox some 350 years ago. As we become better acquainted with the Inward Light over the years, there is a knowing of the simplicity and complexity of this unusual relationship. It is a mystery in which each Friend comes to know parts, but also the knowing that the whole is too great for us humans to comprehend at this stage of our development. There are so many ways of becoming part of the God of All Creation; yet, they are all a part of The One Way and this is the mystery. The following is a brief description of one journey to action for the common good. Center into silence. Peacemaking work begins with a pure heart, which is free of all fears, anxiety, envy, anger, anything that rests negatively on your heart. For example: If you find anger in your heart, open yourself in complete surrender and trust to the God of All Creation asking that your anger be healed. Sit in active silence until you feel that your heart is pure and your anger has been lifted. Then clearly state your intention for this prayer/meditation, focusing on the outcome desired. For example: "Dearest God of All Creation, I sit here in my armchair willing to serve for world peace. In Israel and Palestine I see your loving Light spreading into each heart to be guided by kindness and gentleness and feeling the presence of God." Follow deep into the Light; your intention does not need to be repeated, God knows why you are on this journey and, because your heart is open in complete trust and surrender, there is an opening for the Light to pour through you into this Planet to transform all into goodness. We Friends do not know how the Light will work through our love to transform this Planet to peace. We simply trust that the God of All Creation will use our willingness to serve, to bring about the destiny of a peaceful Planet, to heal us from our ignorant ways of violence and cruelty and to lead to gentleness and kindness. If during the prayer/meditation images of violence, bombs, bleeding bodies intrude, return your focus to your stated peaceful intentions. As the Light expands further across the Earth a softly whispered sound of "PEACE" joins the Light becoming a brilliant, intense radiance. Being an active participant in this way with the God of All Creation is a tradition of Friends since its inception. An insightful experience in The Journal of George Fox describes this form of prayer.
Fox had an exceptional love of God; he had an evolved relationship that he trusted to heal and guide. In the final analysis, peace making is about healing us humans from ignorance. riends continue to rely on the guidance of something greater than themselves in meeting for worship and meeting for worship with attention to business. However, it seems that we are challenged to follow the path more deeply of continuous self-revelation experienced by Fox in working with the loving Creative Essence in the transformation to world peace. Are we Friends committed enough to peace to meet weekly in groups of gathered silence for focused prayer/meditation? Are we Friends committed enough to surrender in loving trust to the continuous self-revelation of healing with God? As armchair peacemakers we have before us an opportunity to step more deeply into the mysterious leading shared so long ago by Fox to Friends. Unresolved issues after a parent dies can be most difficult and painful. In this writing I record the healing of my relationship with my father several years after his death. I would prefer to immediately start at the end of this epiphanous healing experience on the shores of Lake Michigan in Wisconsin, but you, the reader, would not understand the ending without knowing the beginning. As I was told by my mother, my father wanted sons. When their first child was a daughter he fell in love with this lovely child, and forgave her for not being a boy. When I was born two years later in 1937, his disappointment was so great that he did not visit my mother and me for two weeks in the hospital. During that time women were cared for many weeks after the delivery of a baby with extended stays in the hospital and help at home. My parents had an unhappy marriage, which ended in an acrimonious divorce. While World War II was closing in on us in Sombor, Yugoslavia, my mother and father separated. My mother, sister, and I moved into an apartment complex while my mother completed arrangements to purchase a clothing store with a partner and to find a new home for us. My sister, who was eight years old at this time, visited with him often. He fought for visitation rights for her, but not for me. I have a memory of him coming in the evening to pick up my sister for his visitation. It must have been late because my sister and I were asleep. I awoke to a nasty argument between my mother and father in our bedroom, with my mother not wanting to wake up the children and taking my sister out of her warm bed into the cold night. After my sister and father left, I was greatly relieved and content to remain with my mother, whom I loved dearly. The war changed our lives forever. My father left to serve in the German army, and my mother, sister, and I became refugees for over two years. In 1946, when my sister was twelve and I was nine years of age, we immigrated to Chicago, Illinois. All three of us immediately loved this country and wanted to assimilate as quickly as possible. The effects of the war left us unwell and my mother did not have a profession with which to earn a decent living. She worked on an assembly line for the Dormeyer Company. Her pay was determined by the number of pieces she assembled. Somehow she eked out a meager living for us. Of course, my sister and I did well in school because that was expected of us. My mother’s litany was, “No one can take away the knowledge in your head. Through education we will again have a better life.” During the subsequent years, my mother was very bitter about my father and the many intimate liaisons he had with other women while they were married. Of course, I hated him and wanted no part of him. A distant cousin from my father’s side was very kind to us. Eventually the cousin taught my mother how to offset strip in the printing industry. Her new profession provided a good salary; she was smart and industrious. At Christmas time, we received lovely gifts from this cousin. I vaguely remember someone saying that my father wanted to buy his two daughters a necklace and to write to us, but I wanted no part of him. I, being a practical, rational being, knew that we did not need jewelry or worthless letters, rather, we needed help with the rent, food, and to pay our bills. He had never been there for me and my loyalty was completely with my mother. Also, I knew that he did not care for me because of his rejection from the minute I was born. I believed the stories my mother told me. My sister, on the other hand, had occasional contact with him, but when my mother found out this threw her into a tirade about his faults. However, my sister remained true to him, being secure of his love for her. It seemed to me that my sister doubted our mother’s version of our father. Our little family was not a happy unit at these times. When my sister entered nursing school at Grant Hospital, she enjoyed the freedom of an active correspondence with her father without suffering the emotionally dire consequences from our mother. Sometimes my sister would tell me that he asked about me and that he loved me, but I doubted her and knew that his professed love was not followed by action. His words were meaningless to me. After all, where was he, where was his support in our struggles? He was a non-entity in my life; I had few memories of him. Certainly I had no recollection of his ever touching me, much less kissing or hugging me. When my sister graduated from nursing school his gift to her was a trip to visit him in Karlsruhe, Germany for several weeks. She was very excited. My mother was anxious and she shared with me that he had always said that after their daughters were adults they would come to him and leave her. My mother said that she knew how sweet and charming he could be and she feared that his prediction would become a reality. My sister and I were very close and I missed her greatly while she was in Germany. I also had some fears of her wanting to remain there, away from my mother and me. When my sister returned home to Chicago from her visit, she was devastated. Her father had been very critical of her in every possible way; he did not like her religious beliefs as a devout Roman Catholic; thought that her choice of a nursing profession was servile; criticized how she dressed, the style of her hair, she was too tall, and a bit overweight. Inwardly I hated him even more because his treatment of my dearest sister just confirmed all that my mother had been saying. Life unfolded in its own curious way. I married a young man who had emigrated from Germany. After our marriage, the United States Army drafted him to serve his two years in Germany. Eventually, I followed him and we lived in a small town near Stuttgart. While we were there my husband asked if I wanted to see my father, who was just a few hours from where we lived. I could not think of one reason why I would want to see him, but my husband persisted. I trusted my husband’s reasoning since he, like my father, was, after all, a man. We made contact with my father, and at one point I spent a week with him by myself. The first evening he confirmed all that my mother had said about him. Yes, he admired my mother, but could not accept her insane jealousy about other women. After all, she was the only woman with his name and their children would be fortunate to have his name also. He freely shared all the details of my birth and his rejection. Of course, he approved of me now because I was petite, slender, good to look at, and had a German husband. He had a fairly successful grocery distribution business. My mother always said that he was a good businessman and very ethical in his business dealings. The time with him was not uncomfortable; he made few demands on me regarding cooking. Most other times, visits with my father included my husband, who served as an excellent buffer. I think he looked at my husband like the son he so desperately wanted. When my husband’s tour of duty ended, we returned to Chicago, much to the relief of my mother, who, of course, had been very worried that I would want to stay with my father. I corresponded with him sporadically, which was quite a labor because my German was really not very good. All of my efforts had been in learning English, but my German remained at the fluency of a nine year old child. Upon returning home, I immediately became pregnant. My husband and I were totally involved in our lives. Several months after my son was born I received a letter from my father in which he expressed great joy at the birth of his grandson. However, he wrote, why did we deny our German heritage by naming him Kenneth and not Joseph after his father, two grandfathers, and great grandfather. I was furious and wrote several letters to him in my mind, which I never put down on paper. I kept sifting and sorting what would be a fair response. He was my father, I reasoned, but this meant absolutely nothing to me. I stopped writing him, but my husband corresponded with him in fluent German. Also during this time my sister rarely corresponded with him because she found his constant meddling in her religious views, marriage, and life in general totally unacceptable. We often spoke of our puzzling relationships with our father. My mother was very ill from cancer. Somewhere during this turbulent time, I wrote a letter to my father. It was the letter that I had been deliberating most of my life I realized. I asked God for guidance to understand what to do. I knew that I did not want it to be a hateful letter, but honest. The essence of my brief letter was that he had little rights as a father to tell me what to name my son. He gave up those rights long ago for whatever reasons and it was impossible to change the past--it was what it was. As I saw it, at this point forward, it would be best for us to work on our friendship. I invited him to visit us in Chicago. Looking back, I realized that this invitation was an enormous leap for me. Shortly thereafter, my mother died of cancer at the age of 53. I grieved for my mother and missed her loving and caring and the good advise in raising my little son and daughter. My mother and I spoke two to three times each day and she always seemed to find the right article in the newspaper or a magazine regarding my special worry of the day for my children. About a year later, my sister and I received a letter from an attorney stating that our father had died. His estate was shared with his two daughters. I was surprised and tried to comprehend this turn of events. I could not make sense of the meaning of this whole situation with him. The ending seemed incomplete and a part of me was saddened that the potential of forming a friendship was now impossible. There was the realization that my sister and I were truly orphans now at ages 30 and 32. But, my heart was still hardened towards him because I felt that the money was too late. How much I would have appreciated financial support earlier to attend university…it was too late for me. As it turned out, it was not too late to further my education. Eventually, I used part of my parents’ inheritance to earn a baccalaureate and Masters of Art degree. Also, my husband, two children, and I went to Europe. We drove through Germany and met my father’s brother from Belgium to show our roots to our children in Yugoslavia. My uncle spoke French and German, and a young 15 year old cousin, who traveled with us, spoke Serbian, German, and English. My children were not impressed with their heritage and longed to return to the United States where there was freedom. In Yugoslavia we were well aware of the lack of freedom and of being watched. My uncle was very worried and ill at ease about our safety in this country. However, this particular journey is a whole other story to be told at some other time. This writing is about my relationship with my father after death. The next 30 years seem to have moved in lightening speed. Although my sister lived in Wisconsin and I had now moved to North Carolina to be with my daughter, we still spoke to each other several times a week; our close friendship continued to deepen over the years. One day she called to tell me that the previous night she had been restless and felt moved to straighten out a chest in her bedroom. On the bottom of the chest she found a bundle of letters from our father. After reading one or two she was very upset with him. We spoke often of him over the next few months and the letters. Eventually she decided to burn them as a cleansing ritual to release all the hurtful emotions and memories after so many years. This was to be done at our annual vacation on the shores of Lake Michigan in Door County, Wisconsin. After arriving in Madison, Wisconsin, we drove to Door County the next day. When night was upon us, she said let’s do the letters now. I replied, “Don’t you want to burn them outside in the fire scar near the water instead of the inside fireplace?” “We have to read them before we burn them,” was her reply. I could not believe what I was hearing. She wanted to read this packet of letters written in German so many years ago. I was done with my father and only felt the need to support my sister in ridding her of this painful burden revealed in those letters. I could see that she was adamant, so I took a deep breath and resigned myself to listening to what was so important to my sister. She read the letters out loud deep into the night; stars were shining through the windows against a deep rich velvety black sky. I often stared at those stars to ground myself, to connect with the mysterious universe of which I felt that we were so much a part of in this capsule of time. His handwriting seemed illegible at times and her limited knowledge of German dragged the process out. We would discuss each line to clarify and bring me up to date on what was occurring when a particular letter was written. Most of the correspondence was while she was in nursing school. I remember one poignant letter, the theme of missing my sister, which was repeated many times. After receiving a letter from her, his pillow would be wet with his tears for his love for her. My sister felt that this was an inappropriate way to speak to a child. I, on the other hand, listened as I would have for one of my literature classes and was not personally emotionally affected. He seemed like such a lonely man, who was very depressed. To me he was a very sympathetic protagonist and I had such empathy for his pain. Next morning I was eager to see how the story would continue. His letters described the small apartment he had rented for her visit and how he was making arrangements. He seemed to correspond with her as you would to a confidant. Often he said that the only way he could get through the war years was the thought of his two little girls. He longed to be reunited with his daughters. Each letter he ended with asking about me and saying that he loved me. Often he encouraged my sister to take care of me because I was such a fragile child and it was thought that I would die at a very young age. At first, the remarks about me just peaked my interest. At one point, I thought my sister was making it up and had to look at his handwritten message. As I recall, we read the letters over a period of two days, all day, deep into the night. After all letters were read, my sister and I grieved and cried for our father. I could feel my spiritual heart opening and healing with the warm, tender knowledge that my father loved me. We both felt as if we were at his funeral and burying him with our tender love as we had our mother. All around and through us was the infinite loving Presence mingled with what was happening in this moment. My sister and I sat down by the shores of Lake Michigan and I felt an impulse to select a sandstone rock as a remembrance of my father. I felt that my hand was guided to a rather skewed squarish rock, which I clutched with both hands in deep gratitude for feeling the love of my father at the age of 64 years. My sister and I grieved and released pent up healing tears. Eventually we walked back up to the house and started dinner. We both agreed that we had a knowing that there was a change in the link/connection between my mother and father now; there was joy; a peace between them. While setting the china on the table, I had a strong prompting come over me that I had to walk by the shores of the lake. I felt as if I were being pulled. When I reached the shore I kept my eyes down on the rocks and boulders I was hopping from to avoid injuring myself. All at once I felt my father was walking next to and within I heard him say, “Thank you for coming down here. I only have a little time. Thank you for your love. We always worried about you being so weak when you were little, but you are the strongest in our family. I have that which I wanted so much; that I longed for from my daughters.” I wanted to ask him questions as we continued to walk, but he said that his time was limited with me here and I could feel his urgency about the pressure of time. More was said, but I cannot recall it, except the essence of his message. All at once, his essence/presence/soul were gone. I stood still and looked around, but nothing had changed. There was an absence of sound; like a vacuum. The clear sky was still with approaching dusk, flocks of seagulls quietly rocked with each swell of the water, and gently repeating waves touched the shore. Within I heard the white light “There was a tear in time, a portal for him to experience the love. I am still here with you, as always.” Back at home in North Carolina, on my counter top, in my kitchen, rests a skewed squarish rock; looking at it I feel my father’s love for me. It is a miracle. Praise be to God. Note: There are various names for the Inner Voice, but what speaks most to me is the God of All Creation or Light, which is all encompassing for me. Other names often used are Presence, Beloved, Divine, All There Is, I am, Creator, Lord, Goddess, Yahweh, Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, Father, Mother, Inner Voice, Goodness, The Beyond, Allah, The One, Universal Mind, God and many others. Recently I was again reminded that at some level we agree to remain in the Earth consciousness, which we refer to as life , or decide to cross over to what is known as death. When I was 56 years of age (1994), I had a moment when I was in the throes of recovering from breast cancer. I asked the Light, “Will I die?” The golden light responded, “The decision is yours whether you live or die.” I chose to live because of my concern for my son and daughter if I died. They were 32 and 30 years of age respectively then. I simply wanted to spare my children this grief at such a young age since my mother died when I was 30. Now, in my 69 th year (2006), I again had the opportunity to decide on life or death . This came about in a visit to the emergency room after dehydration from my reaction to drugs used during a cat scan to diagnose diverticulitis. I felt unwell; my blood pressure and heart beats were highly elevated. However, I was not in critical physical distress. When I was settled on my emergency room bed, I immediately focused in meditation with the white light (an old friend). Deeper, deeper I flowed into my own essence. I was asked, “Do you want to live?” I wavered, “I am so very tired of the work in this life. I am soul weary.” “The choice is yours. You may leave now with physical failure or you may remain in this life.” I said, “I'd like to work some more in this level. I want to help my grandchildren. I love nature. My sister needs me. I want to continue to work for the Common Good. But, I need help. Please send someone to help me.” “Are you certain that you want to continue helping the Light/Universal Mind…to remain in life ? You will be sent a helpmate.” “Yes, I am willing to commit myself to life ,” I responded. Instantly I felt my soul weariness lifted. I share these experiences because I believe that we all have life – death experiences, but some simply do not hear their inner voice. Or, some hear, but soon forget the choices or dismiss them because our culture does not validate this knowing. If you have such an experience, I encourage you to write it down shortly thereafter. I validate your experience. We Friends of Charlotte Friends Meeting (North Carolina USA), have a wonderfully simple email healing ministry. Welcome to the 21 st century internet technology! It's hard to pinpoint how this healing ministry started…it seems to have a life of its own. If I had to guess, I would say that a few members of our meeting started sending messages back and forth about people in need of prayers approximately five years ago. At the present, 48 healers from our meeting respond to requests for prayers/holding in the Light. We have a simple process. Requests for prayers/holding in the Light are sent to me by email and I forward them to our group of healing ministers. Requests can be for any need: health, global, personal, others in need, employment, death of loved one, and any need you can think of. In a meeting of healers a few years ago the message was clear: we are busy, keep it brief, and no meetings! Ideally we like the requests to be in the words from the person in need. This comes from the belief that within each of us is the knowledge of how to be healthy. People are encouraged to follow this inner knowledge—for some the message is loud and clear, for others it's a bit feeble. We healers honor this message, which may change as the healing progresses. We Quakers would explain this inner knowing as the God within each of us Again, ideally, the person in need has given permission for us to pray/hold in the Light. This is not an ideal world and permission is not always possible. To our surprise a few people have not wanted our prayers even though there was great need. We honor this knowing that all ways are the way. It would take much time to write about the benefits received by those in need. I do plan to write about this in the future. This simple ministry has brought our spiritual community closer. We all have so many, many demands and this is one way to take care of each other. We are constantly amazed by the impact of our service with the Light. Whenever the Spirit moves me, I send a note to the healers to let me know if they want to continue to serve in this healing ministry. If a commitment has come to an end, we release our friends with love and gratitude for their willingness to serve. A curious observation is that requests seem to often come in clusters. I wonder if any readers have an explanation for this phenomenon. JUNE: -Dreamed that I had a tumor in my body. -In my daily meditations I receive the message that a small pebble-like something is in my body. JULY: -No matter how hard I try, I simply do not attain clarity of where exactly this pebble-like something is in my body or what I should do. JULY 6: –Before starting a healing drawing inspired by the Light, I write a prayer on one side of the paper. My rather lengthy prayer: “Dearest God of All Creation, I'm not in distress. However, I think I received Your message that I have some cancer in my body. Indeed, I have an image of a small pebble-like something in the White Light, but I don't know exactly what it is or where it is or what to do. So my concern is for my family. If all is not well with me, my family will be so so sad. I wish I could spare them. To help myself focus on my healing I must place them into Your loving care while I walk with You to heal—to understand. Knowing that You are watching, protecting, covering my family with Your love, I again offer myself to help humanity—to be a vehicle for the Common Good. You, dearest Beyond, White Light, All There Is, know that to heal myself and this Planet Earth, I need COURAGE and You will give me STRENGTH. You know the questions in my heart. We have walked this path before while recovering from breast cancer—I know the way. I am not afraid, but would like to stick around a bit longer. All of this I draw for healing and Your messages to guide and comfort me, dearest God of All Creation. Love, Hildie July 6, 2006, Charlotte , NC ” -I receive the following messages while drawing: . We need you, as well as others, who willingly sacrifice as Brother Lawrence. .Just a tiny cluster of errant cells—not cancer yet. Be not afraid—be not concerned. We can heal this now that you are focusing your healing power with the lights in these areas. .Blue light is always with you. Be Not Afraid. .There is some fine tuning of your body needed, especially your head, to tolerate the White Light of healing/transforming this Planet. Be not afraid—have courage. -Yet, I do not trust these messages—I doubt. What has happened to me that I doubt? How is it possible that I doubt after my close relationship these many years with the All There Is, White Light, Universal Mind, God? The next few weeks I become increasingly distressed because I am unable to identify the location of the pebble or what I am to do. I decide to start finding some answers through the process of elimination: -A mammogram will cost me $150 out of pocket because I had one six months earlier and Medicare will only pay for one every 12 months. So I decide that is not the route I want to take. -I am extremely frustrated at not locating the pebble-like something. My physician just looks at me blankly when I share the information from my meditations. JULY 30 TO AUGUST 7: -Vacation in the Smokey Mountains , NC. .A nursing friend encourages me to have my ovaries checked because male physicians tend to forget about this part of the anatomy in older women. AUGUST 10: -At home in Charlotte , NC I am at the emergency urgent care center for acute diverticulitis. Receive antibiotics with the recommendation that I see my physician the next day to scan my abdomen and check ovaries. The attending physician cautioned that ovaries are often overlooked. AUGUST 11: -Today my physician orders CAT scan of bowels, abdomen, and ovaries. AUGUST 12: -I am again in another hospital emergency room for dehydration caused by a side effect to the drugs taken for the CAT scan. Pulling deep into my essence, I am asked, “Do you want to live?” After some hesitation, I respond “Yes.” This occurs in the Space reached by meditation. I know I will live--I completely trust this message. AUGUST 15: -Physician calls to tell me results of CAT scan, which confirm acute diverticulitis and discovered enlarged right ovary. -Immediately arranges for me to see a gynecologist same day, who in turn orders a Doppler ultra sound of enlarged ovary. AUGUST 22: -The night before the Doppler ultra sound, I write my letter and draw: “Dearest God of All Creation, Tomorrow is the Doppler ultra sound. In my meditations I'm unclear whether I am to work with the lights to heal this ovary issue or just exactly what to do. I continue on this journey holding Your hand. I'm observing the starts of Your message—what could be the possible meaning of this. I'm joyful for my decision to remain in life. I draw for clarity. Love, Hildie, August 22, 2006 Charlotte , NC ” -I receive the following messages while drawing: . No matter what is said by docs, be not afraid, you have chosen life. We will guide them in their diagnosis—not serious, but right ovary needs medical attention. This will improve your energy level. Be patient. Trust Us for your good, the Common Good. Let's take it one step at a time. .About yellow in the drawing: All in healing yellow light…ovary – whole body. . About indigo color in the drawing: Very powerful. Stahl old blood in ovary. AUGUST 23: -After the technician administers the Doppler ultra sound of both ovaries, the physician diagnoses that it is not cancer, but recommends surgery. He tells me to schedule surgery with gynecologist. Hallelujah confirmation of my messages from the Light—no cancer. I am relieved, jubilant. Why did I doubt the messages from the Light? AUGUST 25: -Meet with gynecologist, who confirms the need for surgery. The best of all outcomes would be that both ovaries can be easily removed laparoscopically. Major surgery will be needed if laparoscopic removal is not possible or if there is any sign of malignancy. To prepare for all eventualities an oncology surgeon will be present for major surgery if needed. He proceeds to explain all possibilities regarding cancer—very graphic and very frightening. I think I am handling this situation well and all possible ramifications. The Light told me that it was not cancer, but I am shaken by the graphic descriptions of possibilities during surgery and possible treatments. I know that I do not want to fight for my life as I had when I had breast cancer. The surgeon convinces me to have the surgery and afterwards make the decision about possible treatment because it may not be anything serious. I agree to the surgery. -In my meditations I seek clarity focusing on laparoscopy or whether to accept/surrender to major surgery or preferably to completely heal without surgery or is it cancer that has spread somewhere else in my body? I seek guidance from the Light, but I am unable to calm myself. All is a jumbled mess inside as I struggle. The future is uncertain. AUGUST 27: -I arrive at the hospital emergency room with a serious C.-diff infection (ulcerated colon) caused by a side effect to the antibiotics taken to heal acute diverticulitis. Very painful. Stay in the hospital until September 2. Long recuperation. I am dreading surgery in my weakened state. I am unable to sort out the issue of healing my enlarged ovary. In my feeble meditations I keep asking if surgery is needed. I am attempting to heal with drawings and meditation, but I think I am continuing to receive the information that surgery is necessary. I am in emotional turmoil. If I am to trust the Light there is no cancer, then why surgery? It makes no sense. My Charlotte Friends Meeting healing ministers have been holding me in the Light for so many, many weeks and I feel their prayers. Surgery is delayed to allow me to regain strength. OCTOBER 11: -Finally, the day of surgery. I am calm in God's gentle embrace. Surgery is at 8:00 am and I am home by 2:00 pm. Both ovaries were easily removed and no signs of cancer! I feel the Presence and multitude of prayers. OCTOBER 18: -I discuss the outcome with the gynecologist. There were no cancer cells and he does not think that this would have turned into ovarian cancer, but is adamant that the ovaries needed to be removed. I agree with him based on the messages from the Light, but fail to understand what this long journey into illness has been about. DECEMBER: -These past weeks I have turned over this situation that started in June—what was the meaning? I keep searching and talking with the Light. No great messages come to me. However, in reviewing all that happened, I conclude that surgery was needed to avoid future possible cancer. Had I not succumbed to doubt with regard to the messages from the Light I could have spared myself unnecessary anxieties. I am well again. Will I never doubt again in the future? As close as my relationship is with the God of All Creation, I cannot make such an assumption based on this most recent experience. It is comforting that I did not fear death. What I feared was pain, being helpless, completely depended on others, and sadness for my dear, dear family.
Website design by Wyoming Network, Inc. |
To purchase, please submit your check payable to me, Hildegard Weiler. Shipping will not occur until your check clears the bank.
To purchase, please submit your check payable to me, Hildegard Weiler. Shipping will not occur until your check clears the bank.
To purchase, please submit your check payable to me, Hildegard Weiler. Shipping will not occur until your check clears the bank.
To purchase, please submit your check payable to me, Hildegard Weiler. Shipping will not occur until your check clears the bank.
To purchase, please submit your check payable to me, Hildegard Weiler. Shipping will not occur until your check clears the bank.
|
 |
